Futile Gestures

Friday, March 19, 2004

My first major run in with the law was when I was still 16. I was going home after working my job at the local Baskin Robins. I came to a four way intersection, did my slow down and look for traffic thing. I saw nothing near so I rolled on through. A short distance down the road, I noticed a car turn on the same road behind me. Since I had recently been on the receiving end of a speeding ticket and the subsequent reaming at home, my first thought was: "Uh oh cop." Then the little devil on my should called me a big paranoid pussy. I responded with the macho teenage idea, "well if it's a cop, he's gonna have to catch me." So, I dropped the hammer on my little blue british sports car and took off like a turtle on crack. Sure enough, a short distance later, I saw blue lights in the distance.
Now the normal reaction would be to pull over and obey the law. Keep in mind I was 16, wearing a pink ice cream soaked polo and had mentally made the comment "fuck the po-lice". I whipped down the first side street I came to. So did the police car. Realizing that I had no idea where this street went and that I was basically caught I decided to go peacefully.
Now this was my first time ever being pulled over at night. I didn't realize some of the tricks the police employed to help ensure their safety. The first thing they do is shine their little spot light in your rear view mirror. This makes you blind. When I turned around to see what was going on, I saw the second trick they use. They draw their gun and point it at your head. Then they tell you to put your hand up.
My best advice at this point is obey and don't twitch. Even when the pee runs down your leg.
Once the officer saw that I was just a stupid kid and not a mad man, the gun got put up and the questions started...
How fast were you going? ....I'm not sure...probably around 40.(actuallly 70)
Why did you turn onto this road?... Uh ..I was taking a cassette to a friend (it was 1987, and yes I was lying)
Do you know why I pulled you over?...Speeding?
I actually pulled you over for running a stop sign. ...Huh?

He told me he probably wouldn't have given me a ticket if I hadn't taken off like a bat out of hell. But I was lucky in that he was never able to get close enough to me to clock my speed. Ticket #2 failure to yield to a stop sign.

Lessons learned: lights can blind you at night, cops with guns are scary and for my next story, if you are going to speed, do it in short bursts on roads where cops aren't or... how I learned how to power slide.

K.W. @ 4:03 PM |

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Been in a bit of a doldrum lately, but while reading over at Eurotrash's place, I got inspired about the amount of bad luck I have had with vehicles. Follow along on this nightmare past and try and realize how lucky I have been.

My first near death experience in a car came when I was about 16 plus 1 day. My best friend received a porsche on his 16th birthday in May. Not a really nice porsche mind you but a porsche none the less. As a porsche owner you are obligated to drive really fast on curvy roads, so we always looked for curvy roads to drive really fast on. As a passenger, I was not required to pay attention to the subtle nuances of these roads or actually recall which way they even turned. Even though we drove them every day.
So, when I got my liscense and first car in October(1977 MGB) I felt obligated to take him for a fast drive down same curvy roads. Did I mention that I had no idea of which way these curves went, only that they should be driven with much speed. Well, he was telling me rought which way to turn... slight left, right, next one goes left LEFT WAY LEFT AAAARRGH. Yep, the road went much more left than my car was willing. We proceeded sideways for about 100 feet before stopping a couple of yards from a telephone pole. I was scared to death and needed some soothing rock and roll (this was in 1987 so it was something like Iron Maiden or Motley Crue) to calm my nerves. This is how I earned the nickname Casper the metal head.

About 4 days later, I got my first speeding ticket.

Not a bad first week of driving.
K.W. @ 11:02 AM |

Thursday, March 04, 2004

What the crap is Tennessee thinking? Why would they let "The Freak" go? They have been soooo close for the past couple of years and Jevon was such a critical part of that success. I know he has had his problems with injuries the past couple of years and I guess it makes him look bad to be out toughed by a quarterback, but hey when he's healthy he is awesome. If they suck this next season I am going to send them a big dumbass letter.
K.W. @ 9:09 AM |

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Dong just totally owns me with this stuff here and here. Don't get me wrong, I loves me some Jesus but hey when a diety preaches so much love and happiness there has to be room for a sense of humor in there somewhere. Even if it is a little twisted. Right?....Right???

I see a very warm future and a complete lack of ice water.
K.W. @ 9:04 AM |

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

A lot of people are outraged by ClearChannel pulling the plug on Howard Stern. I happen to like Howard most of the time but I can see why he was fired. They are the bosses and he broke their rules. I'm sure they are just trying to make themselves look like heroes after all the Super Bowl outrage. Buzzmachine makes the point that this will be the beginning of the end for broadcast entertainment. While I don't think this is necessarily the shot heard round the world, I do believe that entertainment will become more focused towards a subscription based "get what'cha want when you want it" kind of world and I think that is a good thing. It puts the power back into the hands of the people. When you are getting something for free, it's hard to get anyone to listen to your bitchin'. Business follows the money and when you can see specific target audiences that are already willing to pay to get what they want, it's a marketers' dream. Everyone is happy. You get entertained by whatever is not offensive to you and businesses make money. Howard will probably find out that strippers will take food stamps if they are folded into neat tuckable packages and the world will move on.
K.W. @ 4:20 PM |

Whenever my wife pukes she likes me to hold her hand. Doesn't matter what time it is or what I may be doing. If she's puking she wants me there. I guess it's nice to be wanted, but I'm gonna make her change my diapers when I'm old.
K.W. @ 11:50 AM |

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Let me sum up The Passion of the Christ :

Isaiah 53
1 Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?
2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
8 He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.
9 And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
10 Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Someone would do this for me and yet I still have to restrain myself from killing people for being stupid on a daily basis. I may need a little work.

Anyhow, woke up this morning to a world covered in snow. Everything is so beautiful and peaceful. Maybe its a sign that everything is going to be alright.

K.W. @ 9:27 AM |

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

What an interesting world... the hot topics du jour are a ban on gay marriages, The Passion of The Christ, and...Rick Springfield has a new album. I strongly support all of these things. (well it might be ok to just download the Springfield album.
K.W. @ 9:25 AM |

My Motivation

That's all a man can hope for during his lifetime - to set an example - and when he is dead, to be an inspiration for history." -- William McKinley |

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -- Teddy Roosevelt | |

There's one thing I've learned in all my years: sometimes you gotta say "what the fuck" and make your move." -- Risky Business | (contact me)